Friday, 20 December 2013
The media portrays a thin, white, blonde binary cis woman as the ideal women should all aspire for. If you happen to resemble this closely by any which means you may consider it a privilege. It is a privilege bestowed upon you by the cis het white men running the show but it is still a privilege of sorts. There are different kinds of beauty privileges and body privileges that can give you a leg up in various parts of your life. Or fetishize you in others. If you happen to be an alternative chic but still fulfill certain beauty credentials you may experience the phenomenon affectionately dubbed "fuck a freak".
Obviously people commenting on skinny bodies isn't cool. Being constantly told you're too thin, should put on weight etc. must be a horrible thing to hear. And any pressure to stay a certain way is awful. However whilst you are thin this affords you certain opportunities, your body is quite simply lauded. It may not be a positive thing but looking a certain way particularly as a white woman will give you a foot up in life. Until you age and it all goes tits up, or down if you'd rather.
The thing about privilege is, you won't necessarily see that you have it. But as a woman you will be measured and you will be found wanting.
Thursday, 12 December 2013
Weird cosmo sex tips are funny!
Stop trying to minstrel Mandela
About being a black woman in Berlin
Ballerina faces discrimination at Bolshoi
Stavvers on biphobia
Buzzfeed does a good!
Maury show feminists
Jude on feminists in high heels
Surprise surprise =( =( =(
I see it too!
About how the feminists movement fails black women
On the SoHo raids
Open letter to Eve Ensler
More on what the SoHo raids were really about.
Gillian Schutte speaks of her decision to leave One Billion Rising
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Transgriot 238 names
Some clever life hacks!
750 Job losses
Warpaint by Coco Lane
It's racist to think all Asian people look the same.
Barn cat visits horse!
Straight pride are being sued!
This was such an amazing & inspiring story.
Meet the Somalis
Stop saying "That's so gay" to mean crap.
The radical politics of selfies
Long way to go for intersex rights
Why a Transgender Woman got fined after presenting a ticket.
Why November 25th is important.
Don't give money to the Salvation Army
Dumbing down language is offensive & patronising.
On labelling women as crazy
(TW abuse) The powerful men who rape and lie about it.
How to rebrand feminism and get women fired
Marissa Alexander out of jail
Very funny texts from my cat
An update on the Italian woman forced to give birth
White privilege trumps the truth apparently.
Swedish archbishop who supports multi faith system gets abused.
Let's end on an A+ funny yet poignant.
Monday, 25 November 2013
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Look at the person across from you. Imagine how they might be feeling. Soften your features.
Write someone a note, just saying I care. Or I love you. Don't appear to care but instead really properly care. It's a little more painful but in the end deeply important for both of you.
Think about how you talk to people. Do you make them feel as if you're listening to them? If not, imagine how it would feel if you always felt ignored or passed over.
Step back, appreciate someone else's space. Think how you would feel if yours was always invaded.
Look up, does someone need your attention? Give them it. Even just for a moment.
Friday, 15 November 2013
Please watch me to learn about the phrase "I'm so OCD"
Thanks Mr Whedon *sarcasm face*
This is a more important photo than you think.
This is an absolute must watch!!!!
And for the lols...a cat...playing a theremin
Sam clearly stating that Abuse is still abuse.
I won't tell them you're gay.
Naming the problem!
Calling out transphobia in the media
This piece clearly breaks down the racism evident in Lily Allen's new video
UK terfism in action
Liking problematic stuff doesn't make you a bad person.
Trailer for FUTON!!!
Hubbit on being Jewish
Tuesday, 12 November 2013
Ah yes those cries of "well if you want equality you have to include men also". But the thing is, men in society always come first. Cries to WOC "if you want to be equal you must include white people". Cries to trans* people "if you want to be equal you must include cis people". Always skirting around the issue just so that those with most privilege can feel included in the discussion. Sometimes however you or I are not welcome. Because it just isn't about us.
"But if you want to be equal you must listen to men's opinions too" "We're just giving a counter argument". Never do they realise that I or you or them have heard your argument a million times over. Every time a negative is pointed out about a social group we feel the need to point out that we don't do said thing. It's not important if you don't do it although to be fair you might actually do said thing. That doesn't necessarily make you a bad person. We all do shitty things, all of us. If you want to be included or taken seriously the first thing you must do is listen. So many of us fall down in this first hurdle. Then realise that if you do certain things now would be a good time to reflect and change your behaviour. Apologising won't do much good if your actions don't reflect it. We all fuck up, it's how we deal with it and what we do after that counts. If you don't do said thing that's great but don't make a huge song and dance about how you're not a bad person.
But I'm noticing that I'm beginning to have a problem with the word equality. Every time I talk about something I am told to pander to men so as to make the conversation equal. I must listen to their opinion on things that well they just don't have much experience of. Just like there are situations that I myself have no experience of. So I get awfully tired of the word equal being thrown around as we all walk through life differently. People are not currently equal and I'm beginning to doubt we ever will be seen as such by society. At least not in my life time. It feels as if there will always be a dominant social group because there will always be those desperate to dominate. So better than equality right now, I want liberation. I want to be free to make my own decisions and open my mouth to speak without threat of abuse. I want to be given a job based only on the merit of my work and who I am. I want to be free from daily sexual harassment in the street. I don't want equality if it's constantly on men as a societal groups terms. Or on white terms or on cis terms or on able bodied terms.
That is just patriarchy under a new name.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
Why I don't debate!!!!
Food being returned because people can't afford to heat.
Cat friendly furniture!!!
Intersectional comic strip
£10 a week recipes
To Male Feminists!
I'm bored & I'm tired
Stavvers on NMP3
Rape aquittal controversy in Sweden
Always two sides to the story
Sweden rating films for gender bias
Monday, 4 November 2013
Friday, 1 November 2013
Squash the Bug!
Why I won't call myself a slut.
The dangers of a single story.
A brilliant break down of myths about gender.
Blackface is racism.
No more allies.
A less angry take down of Russell Brand.
Stop the pink washing.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
I dream of buying a beautiful old warehouse and making it into a stable home. I dream of a stable home. I dream of never having to move ever again. I dream of making it spacious and light and one day hearing children laughing. I dream of children with my current partner. Don't worry he knows this, he's not about to have a heart attack regarding this revelation. I dream of him rubbing my growing belly and giving our child the childhood I never had. Again, this dream is contingent on money and on luck. Money to buy the place, money to do it up, money to save for when this inevitably goes a bit tits up. Luck in being given a mortgage, luck in finding a place and luck in it not falling apart. I need money for children, to give our children the childhood I wish to give them. A childhood without poverty, one where I can feed them, clothe them and be there for them. I need luck to have children, luck in having a job where I can pay for their upbringing but also luck in our jobs giving us enough freedom to spend time with our children.
I dream of many other things, but the only job I dream of, is one that can give me the above.
Thursday, 24 October 2013
To whoever is sharing Russell Brand's recent interview without pointing out that fact that he's a misogynist shitstain. Forgetting how he's risen to his prominence by the very things he proclaims to hate in this society. I now know who you are for. You're for the white middle class. You're for men. You're not for me or any other woman.
You are free to like him but for the love of Christ acknowledge who he is and how he's got to where he is. I really don't want to listen to him saying "underclass". He wants a revolution? So do I but I certainly don't want a revolution headed by a white, straight, cis, able bodied, rich and misogynist piece of shit.
That's really all I can be fucked to say.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Women inventors erased.
Lampedusa is a feminist issue.
Eminem being homophobic.
ACAB (TW brutal police violence)
There is no such thing as clean food.
Drunk women don't cause rape.
This is rape culture (TW detailed stories of rape)
This made me so angry. (TW Racism)
This ALSO made me so angry. (TW Transphobia)
Why neutrality can be dangerous!
Monday, 21 October 2013
I was in an argument this weekend because I would not answer the question "Do you believe that religion is inherently evil" with a yes. I believe that there many issues within religious doctrine but not that it is inherently evil. Reducing something that frightens us and has been used to enforce certain ideas of normality to an "evil" is a phobia. A phobia of those who do not submit to your faithless view of the world. Positing one thing as good and one thing as evil doesn't change anything because our world is not black and white. I also felt uncomfortable being forced to defend religion when I am not myself religious. I am a secular Jew and I do not believe in god. I wish to fight bigots and bigotry, however this I see in people from all different walks of life. If you hate, you can always find something to back up your hatred. Education is important we can all agree on this I hope but living in a world where we are all treated equally does not hinge on abolishing religion. Japan is one of the most unequal societies for women, yet by the year 2000 less than 15% of people reported any formal affiliation with religion when filling out a consensus questionnaire. Most of their holidays are secular in nature except for a couple including New Year's day. Sweden doesn't take its Christianity very seriously and is indeed a better place for women. Never the less it is also a country that is deeply xenophobic. In fact your ethnic/religious background and skin colour have a significant impact on your opportunities in the labour market. Now this part is important for later on in this post so keep it in mind, some ethnic minorities particularly Jews face larger risks of threats and violence. After Germany and Austria, Sweden has the highest instances of anti-Semitism in Europe although the Netherlands are now almost equal.
I am of course not saying that religion doesn't have its problems but I believe that you should question everything. A lot of awful things are done in the name of religion and a lot of progression is hindered because some religious leaders don't want science involved in education. Education must encompass everything so that people are really truly free to make up their minds. Religion also has its problems because it's headed up by men who wish desperately to hold onto their power. I believe in progressiveness within everything but anything whether it is religious or secular that is used to subjugate people is dangerous and leads to deep rooted inequality.
Being actively anti-theist will not solve the problems of oppression within our society. You will only submit to a different kind of oppression. The person who argued that religion is evil was clear in this, their arguments were not solid but were instead based into attempting to frame me as lesser. On top of which, this anti-theist Swedish man was just as misogynistic and patronising towards me as a religious man could be. He was woefully ignorant and I'm not talking about the kind of ignorance based in a lack of education but instead he had a callow disregard of facts and instead stated assertions as facts. He asserted that even the Nazi's would not be as cruel as to shoot a girl for going to school "they only gassed some Jews". Ignoring the fact that these kinds of comparisons are completely odious and offensive, this isn't correct, the Nazi's routinely rounded up women and girls as young as 3 and shot them in the name of cleansing. They did not "just gas some Jews", they attempted to commit genocide They slaughtered 6 million Jews as well as gay men & lesbians to a lesser extent, black people, queer people, mentally ill people, disabled people. The German's and their collaborators killed it is estimated as many as 1.5 million children, in large proportion Jews but also many Romani children. No the Nazi's did not shoot one specific girl because she continued to fight for her right to an education, because she wore a bright pink dress to school to defy the Taliban but they slaughtered over a million just because they were Jewish. To hear a self identifying atheist man talk of how to abolish oppression start his argument by erasing MY entire history by a callous and wantonly cruel disregard of fact.
You erase me then wish to talk about my oppression as a woman under "evil" religion?
Wednesday, 16 October 2013
This is a wonderful website to learn about Womanism.
Stavvers being her usual awesome self! (TW personal discussion on MH)
Feminists are not responsible for educating men!
UK in racist shocker news.
Lovely photos from 1970's Tokyo.
Where the term TERF comes from. (TW transphobia)
Tilly Jean on why setting your tatas free is not going to cure cancer.
Bethany on being friends with your partners partner. This is about Polyamory, something I'm learning more about and I really loved this piece on friendship. It challenged my ideas of rivalry and jealousy.
Jay on attractiveness privilege.
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
Thursday, 10 October 2013
The reasons I think perhaps people are uncomfortable with this are:
a, they worry about all this information being so readily available. Sorry to burst your bubble but it already is if you've got a doctor, rent a property, own a property, have a job, sign on etc. you get my drift. Unfortunately you have no control over where the information about you goes.
b, they're uncomfortable with raw emotion. Well that's your problem and not something to impose on others.
It is fine absolutely fine to be uncomfortable but it's not fine to project that onto those who do use the internet to be emotionally open. My Facebook is quite political and occasionally I hope I brighten up your day with my humorous quips. My Twitter is for my politics yes but also very much for me personally especially in a supportive sense.
The internet can be a fantastic way to call for help, to find others who feel the same and to find a community of support so that you feel less isolated. One of the scariest parts of mental illness is how isolating it often is, the internet has been a game changer in this way. It's scary to sit down and just talk to one person who may just look at you in an utterly confused manner and offer no sympathy whatsoever. Luckily my support in real life is very good however I still sometimes turn to the internet. Because there I find people who understand without me having to explain. They know about the spoon theory without me having to link them to the article. They understand my anxieties that I worry are really weird because they have the exact same ones. They understand the mood swings and the shame because they have the same feelings or illness. It soothes me and makes me feel like less of a freak. I also feel like I don't want to be constantly burdening my close friends with my MH because it IS constant. If I can ease some of their involvement by being emotionally open online then this is important to me.
There is such a huge stigma attached to mental illness. Don't make us feel more ashamed than we already do!
Monday, 7 October 2013
The sin of ambivalence
A particularly horrendous friendship with a "nice guy"
Making racist jokes just isn't funny.
Some epic trolling from the Nobel Peace Prize Committee
Old article on Stephen Fry saying women don't like sex :-/
Lovely piece on modelling consent
Long piece dissecting rape apologia (huge TW for rape)
Why trans* people rarely speak up about being misgendered.
Stavvers calling out The Sun for their appalling headline.
Friday, 4 October 2013
Yesterday a new "feminist" publication launched and published a piece in favour of forced sterilisation. Now in what fucking universe is that even humane let alone feminist? Mentally disabled, mentally ill, physically disabled and WOC all over the world shuddered at this because it was and in some places still is a reality. This being a vile practice is not up for discussion! If you think it is, then you know what also isn't up for discussion? The fact that you're an absolute shitnozzle! Now I'm sure they did it as click bait, they want to show the world how edgy they are. Well congratulations you showed the world that you're a fucking dickhead!
I still cling on to the word feminist trying to desperately claw it back from the judgemental, racist, transphobic pile of steaming shit I see around me. So here is a list of what the word means to me:
- Equality, freedom, liberation for ALL WOMEN.
- Freedom of sexuality and to have as much or as little as you want.
- Trans* women are women so therefore they are included...and in other news water is wet and fire is hot.
- Dismantling a patriarchy and kyriarchy that is dangerous to women AND men.
- It is NOT about telling women what to do, wear or how to behave.
- It is NOT about hating men.
- If we do hate certain men, think about why instead of telling us we're alienating.
- It is about safety for everyone!
- Dismantling rape culture because it is disgusting and damaging to everyone!
- It is NOT about excluding certain women based on their CHOSEN profession. This includes Strippers, Glamour models and of course Sex workers. Again in other news water is wet.....
- It is about understanding that some women have more privilege than others and some women are already more equal.
- It is also about understanding that some women have a better lot in life that some men.
- It is NOT about excluding WOC or saying "we'll come back for you later" again...water is...fucking...wet....
- It is about listening, learning and changing our behaviour if we're excluding women.
- It is NOT about excluding physically or mentally disabled/ill women...water...is...man I can't even say that shit any more.
- It is NOT about letting abusive men into a safe feminist space and it is about taking responsibility if you do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, 3 October 2013
I get a lot of jokes slung at me about my perceived militancy as a feminist. Personally I prefer the term fiercely feminist to militant feminist and for the love of god do not call me a feminazi. Not only is it disgusting to collate those two terms because of the history of Nazism but I'm a Jew and you're just being a dick. Now it's not that I can't or don't take the piss out of myself because I do and I am often the first to laugh at myself. However I've noticed a trend, it's nearly always men who have very little understanding of feminism or why we need it who make the jokes that really aren't funny. I've had men make hilarious jokes about feminism but they're funny because they have genuinely thought about what they're joking about. When you as a man make a joke about my belief that I am equal to you then you cross into dangerous territory where you are essentially belittling me. Lord help me when I joke back or am a little bit sarcastic because then all of a sudden I'm alienating or rude. If you're going to dish that shit out, trust me I am going to reciprocate and I will be brutal.
In finding a joke funny so much depends on WHO is saying it, WHEN they're saying it and HOW they're saying it. Who are they joking about? Are they taking the piss out of a vulnerable victim or are they taking the piss out of a horrendous part of our society that needs changing? I'll let you figure out which one I am more likely to find funny.
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Let me explain. If you as a man want to be a feminist ally or indeed my friend I am going to be harder on you than I would be on a woman. I know, this is terribly unfair isn't it. You crying yet? Cause you might be come the end of this post.
I have never been abused by a woman, I have never been raped by a woman, I have never been completely 100% afraid of a woman, I have never been properly verbally abused by a woman, I have never had a woman get off the night bus and try to walk me home, I have never been cat-called by a woman, I have been harassed by a woman, I have never stalked by a woman....shit this list is getting long.
I'm not saying women don't do these things of course they do but I do not have direct daily experiences of it therefore I have not learnt to be wary of women.
There are many men in my life who I love and trust but they have earned it, they didn't just get given it. So if you think I should be careful with your fee-fee's when I call you out on your misogynistic bullshit listen to me very closely. I. Don't. Care!
Dear men of the world, I am not here to soothe your hurt feelings. I am not here to play nice with you. I bet you'd call me a bitch, wonder what you'd call me if I was a man?
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
Thursday, 26 September 2013
The Spoon Theory (TW)
PTSD advice (TW)
Don't ban the veil.
Interesting Japanese perspective.
Bi-sexual adventures with Stavvers.
Professor Feminism (TW HS mentions)
Peaceful protesters arrested outside Mark Duggan inquest
Awesome Japanese MV
Ridiculously talented children.
Unzipping the world.
Dear David Blunkett
Blood on our hands (TW abuse, violence, death, suicide)
Male survivors (TW rape)
Monday, 23 September 2013
The dull throbbing of fatigue cursing through your limbs.
What did I do to deserve such hateful words?
I want to go out, dance and join in.
It can’t be true that everyone hates me.
I just want to be able to go about my day.
I just want one day where you’re quiet and you’ll let me be.
Dear brain, balance yourself, please.
Saturday, 21 September 2013
Now that I've stated the obvious and my brain is bleeding out of my ears from doing so, let's get on with it.
Women and not least WOC and trans* women live in a world where they can and most often do experience perpetual abuse & harassment. Rape culture is now so pervasive that you can hardly move for it. No one has ever said that all men are guilty of this, or that all men harass because that would simply not be true. None the less, many of them do and most if not all women experience it almost daily.
You may wonder why it's so dangerous to say "not all men...." well not only are you deflecting and derailing the argument, you are shutting women up. Every time a woman who is harassed says something and you counter with "not all men.." it's like you're saying, there, solved that one for you. The "not all men" argument is redundant because the men who don't commit or are accepting of abuse are not the problem. Therefore those are not the men we talk about.
When you say "not all men" I hear "maybe this man". When you say "but I'm a nice guy" I hear "he's probably not a nice guy". When you say "my experience as a man" I hear "I have no interest in listening to you". Keep those things in mind next time a woman talks about her experiences and ways in which we can help solve this and makes things better for everyone. When you say "not all men" you're saying that you don't care or trust in her experiences. When you out-right call her a liar and patronise her she thinks "not all men, but definitely this man".
Friday, 20 September 2013
This one's a funny about boobs & penises.
Stavvers on feminism & controlling other women
A Muslim woman's voice on Niqab
British born muslims. A poll.
A statement of trans inclusive feminism!
Funny piece on Whole Foods (TW caustic humour) There are jokes using homelessness and anorexia as a pun. However I feel it's attacking Whole Foods and the bizarre and possibly dangerous world they've created. None the less they are both still in bad taste & could be upsetting.
This one made me cry at my desk.
"What queerness means to me"
Little bambi eyes
Voice from a Masai woman on Mindy Bugdors
Lebohand Nova Masango - To do list for Africa
Totally Biased - The God debate.
Sexy Swedish fishermen singing!
Thursday, 19 September 2013
For some reason when you're a curvaceous some-what overweight woman people feel it's ok to comment on it. They also feel the need to offer unsolicited exercise advice, diet tips and a perfunctory "well you're not THAT fat".
No, I'm not THAT fat. I am over-weight but you know what, I'm becoming increasingly ok with this. I'm slowly but surely beginning to love my body. I battled eating disorders for many years, the only time I have been truly thin I was also very sick. In my case thin did not equal healthy, somewhat overweight has however made me feel much healthier. I have more energy to do the things I enjoy. Those things by the way do not mean going to the gym. Not only do I absolutely not enjoy it I feel ashamed when people look at my body that way. I don't want to be poked, prodded and told in which areas I fail. This is partly the reason I stopped dancing, the intense scrutiny ruined my self-esteem.
I am incredibly aware of my body, it's movements and the way it looks. My breasts receive a lot of attention 95% of which is unsolicited, unwanted and quite frankly creepy. I am indeed in proportion with a smaller waist, a rotund behind and what is affectionately named "child bearing hips". An hour glass figure is sought after, I know this. But the hour glass figure that is sought after is one that still manages to be a UK size 6/8. This is not the hour glass figure that I have!
There are many lovely people in my life who try to make me feel better about my body by saying it's not as big as I think it is. I think it would be far more helpful to see beauty in a range of sizes rather than equating beauty with thin. When I say "I'm fat" instead of saying "no you're not, don't be silly" say "yes, and you're beautiful".
Please stop telling me it's ok cause I have a really pretty face....no...shhh....no....
Monday, 16 September 2013
This is just my current opinion, my opinions have been changing and growing a lot recently so they may of course change. I also mean no offence to the wonderful men in my life. Right disclaimers over!!!
Men can in theory be feminists, the problem is they're not very good in practice. I don't blame men entirely, we live in a society that gives prominence to men by luck of the draw at conception. Therefore I can understand that it can be difficult to take a step back. One argument I've heard is that if they take a step back then it can be seen as patronising "let the little lady talk" kind of way. I see this but I don't agree. That equality should be reached by any means or voices necessary, again I see this point but I don't agree. Equality (for want of a better word) won't happen if it's reached by male voices as it will mean that women still aren't equal. Just like any equality reached by only white, able bodied, middle-class, cis, straight women won't be equality either. Some might have it better yes but most still won't, this is not a feminism I want any part of.
I believe much of it is down to experience. Men can't experience what women go through on a daily basis just like I can't experience what WOC, disabled women, trans gender women or working class women experience. I've spent a lot of my life poor but I am and have always been middle class which means I had a leg up on working myself out of that poverty. All I can do is listen, learn and change my behaviour that hinders rather than helps. I can offer my voice in solidarity but I can never speak for anyone but myself.
If a man is truly feminist they don't spend their time explaining feminism to women. Instead they spend their time listening & learning. In an all male space I am grateful for those men who tell other men to change their behaviour rather than standing idly by as they harass or assault women. However if I am there, then I do not need you to speak for me. I am not interested in hearing about which women "do feminism right" and those who you believe alienate you. This is an instance where all I can think is "someone call the waahambulance". Nor do I appreciate being told how to present myself. If you think for one second I look the way I do for you then you are sorely mistaken.
Many of the men who want to be feminists are abusive. They have invaded a space and acted cruelly beyond belief. They have done more harm and caused more mistrust than I think many other men can fully understand. If men genuinely want to rebuild this they cannot play the "nice guy" card. There needs to be a fundamental understanding that women do not exist for the pleasure of men.
Patriarchy and kyriarchy hurts us all and I believe men are beginning to see this and how it effects them personally. This is an area where they can help make a change but only if they truly see the dominance which they hold in society. Only if they fight side by side not in front of us.
Remember this at all times men, I drink men's tears for breakfast, they make me beautiful & strong!
Friday, 13 September 2013
Turns out a man is running Femen
Why Stavvers is against equality.
Brilliant piece by Jay on feminism
Ballet dancers in everyday settings.
Stavvers on why ACAB
Class privilege article
Not guilty does not mean innocent
Jay "It is for me. It is not for you"
Why the people accused of rape should not be anonymous
A beautiful and heart-wrenching first account of their rape.
EVB on the failings of the media in the Le Vell case.
Monday, 9 September 2013
Our relationship was always quite difficult but we had plenty of good times too. It was difficult because we both struggled to commit but he especially struggled to. He could not completely let go of a past relationship which hurt me deeply. I couldn't let go of the fear that I had met the person I could see myself spending the rest of my life with at 19.
I rushed us into moving in together because knew instinctively that if we didn't we would break up. Though it was at times nice to live together it was a terrible idea. We quickly got stuck in a rut. As was inevitable we eventually broke up.
We stayed friends. I didn't want a new relationship. I felt happy being in love with a man who I was not together with as long as we stayed friends. We both tried other things. We hurt each other by doing this. 3 weeks ago we got back together. I am bonded to him.
Thursday, 5 September 2013
I struggled to read it all as it was a bit blah blah blah but in essence women are taught from a young age that their looks are probably their most important asset. Being a pretty girl is basically the be all and end all. Now I don't disagree with this, however what I prefer to question is our very narrow minded idea of what beauty is. If you go by western standards it's white, thin, long hair etc. whereas I believe beauty not only lies in the beholder but is so much more than what our media tells us. I rarely meet people I don't find beautiful whatever gender they are or identify as. Some people I find more mesmerising that others of course. Be proud of what you look like because you are beautiful (and all of the other things that you also are).
I like taking photos of myself doing silly faces, nice faces, dyeing my hair etc. I like posting them for others to smile or laugh with me. It's nice when someone calls me pretty (although I also enjoy intelligent and funny in equal measure) and it's nice to know when people find me attractive. I don't take my self worth from it but like I said, it's nice.
I also like seeing other peoples selfies. I like looking at people, I like them for who they are and what goes on in their head too. I like it when people are confident in what they look like and if you're not then you should be cause you're beautiful and it's true because I say so. So there!
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
Solidarity is for Miley Cyrus
Blurred Lines & Rape Culture
Some thoughts on intersectionality
Baugh said he listened to recorded statements
I am a false rape allegation statistic
The trouble with Miley
When debate is worse that silence
So you want to be an ally
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
I was really hoping that people would take this opportunity to listen. I know, I'm naïve. I'm going to give credit where credit is due as I have spoken to many people who do seem to be taking things on board albeit with some disagreement here and there. Unfortunately what I've seen most of though from white people especially is more foot stomping and a refusal to listen. I've seen the usual level of denial mixed with slut-shaming mixed with poor shaming. I've seen the word bored thrown around which is something which made feel deeply uncomfortably. I've said it a couple of times already but I will say it again, only the privileged have the luxury to feel bored regarding important cultural discourse. It is hard to see oppression when you are generally the oppressor. This is something that white people do really need to think about. Did you hear that Miley?
And this brings me to the other arse hat in the news at the moment. A certain rich dude telling poor people they're doing poverty wrong. Also as you were once a spokesperson for Sainsbury's should you be telling people not to shop in supermarkets? I've said it once and I'll say it again, why don't you give some of that money to food-banks instead of telling poor people they shouldn't get a big TV? Also don't hate on cheesy chips you food fascist!!!!
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Black Feminist Manchester
Tama the station master cat
Guardian on solidarityisforwhitewomen
Stavvers on safer spaces
Sophia Photos on cissexism
Buzzfeed & cats
Flavia Dzodan on media accountability
Friday, 23 August 2013
I kind of wish I was Batman because he probably doesn't suffer any street/sexual harassment. I do (most if not all women do) every single fucking day. Nope you did not read that wrong. Every day! Every single fucking day that I leave my house some guy or guys say something or looks me up and down. I have also on more than one occasion had strangers (always men) touch me. I could make a long list of what has been said to me but honestly I just don't have the time or the energy. I never know how to react, if I'm with friends I might say something but if I'm alone I wouldn't dare. I see myself as a strong woman but I'm just too scared. What if they hurt me? What if they verbally abuse me more?
How do we tackle this? How do we change a society that lets this happen? I don't know but I can't well go around wishing I was Batman all the time.
Thursday, 22 August 2013
She is most likely a rounded human being with perfections and imperfections alike but in my head she is now a beautiful, perfect goddess. It doesn't help that she is genuinely quite the beauty. Now here's the worst part, she is thin, much thinner than I. As someone who is recovering from ED (it may have been a long time ago now but you are essentially always "recovering") it's difficult in a way that many people will fail to comprehend. She is thin, she is something that I am not and however healthy and happy I may be (or show the world that I am) something I desperately long to be. I am better, I think about it less and my relationship with food now is healthy, full of wonder and curiosity. However these things are a trigger, comparing myself to a woman whom I might have been attracted to myself if had I met her. Odious comparisons based on nothing but photos of a very beautiful woman.
I do not like to talk about my MH issues very publicly (or online) not because I am ashamed but because I am scared and I do not wish to be defined as a whole by a part of who I am. I do not wish for pity or for people to be careful with me. So I apologise to those who do not know me in person if ever my posts are a little vague.
My only thought however irrational, untrue or down-right stupid is "she is thin & beautiful, I am not".
Wednesday, 21 August 2013
I also watch many people stomp their feet and shout about how hurt their feelings are. If you're feelings are hurt when someone talks about the abuse they have suffered from you then I'm afraid that your hurt is not valid. You need to listen, apologise and learn from the experience. You are NOT the one being abused!
I'm not going to go all soppy here and talk about our need to love in great detail. Except to say it is much easier to love than to hate, it is much easier to treat people with love and compassion than with hate, it is much easier to include than to exclude.
Monday, 19 August 2013
However it did get me thinking, would we ever call a man an attention seeker? A loner, weirdo, creative maybe even mad but an attention seeker? What about if they're loud and brash would we use it then as we do with women? I can't think of an instance where I have ever called or thought about a man as an attention seeker but I have about a woman. I feel like a hypocrite when I think about this. Also is it really so bad to crave attention? Don't we all to some degree want people to pay us attention, to feel wanted and included in a situation?
We adhere much more negative connotations when we talk about women than when we talk about men. We use our language to put women down and reduce them to nothing but objects wanton of multi dimensions. Our language is littered with it. Slut for a girl who says yes, friend zone for a girl who says no, bitch for a girl who speaks her mind, lonely or unfulfilled when they choose to be childless, a traitor to feminism if a mother chooses to stay at home with her child. Asking for it, hot mess, damaged, victim, broken, manic pixie dream girl, cold, she's more like a guy, let herself go, dress for your size, holds a grudge, faux feminist, easy, man eater, nice tits, cooorrr yeeaaah, so can I watch you kiss that girl?, you just need a decent cock in you!
Thursday, 15 August 2013
I've been wondering a lot about why we exclude, lack compassion or feel the need to put people down. I wonder why we are cruel and deceitful to those we claim to love the most. Is there something inherent in us that makes us manipulate or abuse? And for those of us with a lot of privilege (myself of course included) why we feel the need to keep certain people from being equal to us? I won't deign to imagine that I have anything other than patronising solutions, in many instances it is for me to just stand beside in solidarity but know that I have nothing else to offer. You may have from me whatever you want. I'm learning.
On a personal level, when someone tells you what they need from you know this is genuinely what they need from you. When you continue to cause pain they will slowly retreat.
I've also been thinking about how we treat those we work with or receive a service from. As soon as we see someone as below us we think we can pretty much speak to them any way we want. If we don't get what we want we stomp our feet and treat them with distain. We are thoughtless.
People are people and people get hurt, be nicer dickheads.
Friday, 9 August 2013
Too much cute
Make me one?
Yes, indeedy! I do like the sex!
Horrific stuff, just remember happens all too often all over the world.
A really fantastic post from a different point of view
Bit late to this one but really great one on white feminists
Oh Vagenda, I want to like you, stop doing this shit.
This one made me cry!
The problem with male feminists
Misogyny runs deep
Simon Harwood and Police Acountability
Barclays being twats
Dawkins is an idiot
Hollie McNish being awesome again.
Thursday, 8 August 2013
I'm angry at those white feminists who hold us back. Asking us to be quiet and attacking those who question them. I want to question everything and when you don't give a shit about people or exclude them then I'm going to stop listening to you completely. It may be childish but you can't even respond properly to the people asking you to listen to them. You block them on twitter instead, well done.
I'm angry at men who just refuse to listen, angry at the ones calling themselves feminist but not letting me speak. I'm angry at those who berate and try to insult me by saying that "everyone who's attacking me has the same twitter bio hahahaha". Maybe that should be telling you something? All these people identifying as something calling you out on the same thing.
I'm angry at high profile women saying that child abuse victims can be predatory, that's it on that. I can't actually say anything else because I think I might fall apart if I do.
I'm angry at personal life shit. I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at the world because people aren't listening. I'm angry at my own failings as a white cis feminist, I want to be better.
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
Now of course people have a right to make any jokes just like we all have a right to be utterly horrified by some of them (see rape jokes). I'm not saying I'm not allowed to make jokes just that I really need to do my best to think & hold back at certain times. I do always follow it up with apologising profusely afterwards. I would save myself and the other person much embarrassment and hurt by just not doing it in the first place.
On the flip side though some of my terrible jokes have been successful, very successful even. Maybehaps I need to work on gauging situations and people as much as thinking before I speak.
What about you? What bad trait are you most mortified about?
Monday, 5 August 2013
I'm white so I have tons and tons of privilege, however I am Jewish (although I don't believe in god) so I've had some nasty things said about me. The most commonly used one at school was "Jude hora" which translates as "Jewish whore". Was I silent when I was called that? Was I fuck! Am I going to be silent now, or ever? AM I FUCK!!!!!!
Friday, 2 August 2013
How to pet your kitty.
This is a beautiful but sad account by Questlove
Dream Woman's magazine
Please sign me
Slate article about 55 year woman who was raped
The Vagenda reading GQ
Why does it always come back to rape?
How to get a Bikini Body ;-)
Shohei (Spoon & Tamago)
Beautiful (Spoon & Tamago)